Finding Joy Amidst Pain – Embracing the Full Spectrum of the Human Experience

I am painfully aware at this moment. Something is off and I can’t put my finger on it. All I know is that I am sad and I’m not sure why. But it doesn’t really matter. There’s nothing I can “do” that will take away this pain. I just have to sit here and let the feeling come and then go. I am nothing more than a casual observer. I have as much power over this wave of sadness as I do a coming rain storm. There is nothing I can do to outrun it. So I sit and wait it out.

Every time a wave comes, my mind tells me a story about why. That’s my ego talking. As powerful as the sadness, the story forming in my head pacifies me with reason. If I stay a casual observer, I am witness to the power of the story – equal to the emotion behind it. If I believe the story, I begin to activate. I think of scenarios and possibilities to avoid sadness. It’s then and only then that I suffer. It’s then and only then that I create an unsolvable problem which I become determined to fix. If I were able to sit in sadness for only a moment, it would pass and I could watch it go.

Nothing hurts more than pursuing happiness and ignoring pain. Joy is not a natural feeling. It takes work to choose happiness because we don’t know how to relate to pain. We spend too much time avoiding it. Joy is a radical action when your ego is enticing you to suffer. To feel joy in the midst of a dark moment is the embodiment of love. It requires the acknowledgement and presence of pain. 

We need to learn to cultivate happiness. But how? Here are some things to consider when you sit with pain rather than avoid it; when you pursue a life of wholeness rather than perfection:

Feel pain and recognize the absence of problems.

When we’re not in a state of suffering, we can sit with pain and truly feel it. Instead of rushing through it or pushing it away, we allow ourselves to fully experience it. The beauty lies in realizing that even in the midst of pain, everything is okay. There is no problem. It’s a profound liberation that comes from understanding pain as a natural part of life.

Embrace the dark and integrate pain.

Our aversion to pain stems from not knowing how to relate to it. We’ve been conditioned to seek happiness and avoid discomfort. However, true happiness requires us to embrace both light and dark moments. It’s about accepting the imperfect nature of our reality, the challenging people we encounter, and the painful experiences we go through. It’s through embracing and integrating these parts that we become whole. Perfection isn’t the goal; wholeness is.

Choose radical joy and cultivate happiness.

Lowering our vibration to match someone else’s energy will never make us feel better. Happiness is open, expansive, joyful, and light. Instead of taking things personally, we need to remember that someone else’s energy belongs to them. Happiness is not something we seek externally; it is something we inherently are. By accepting all aspects of ourselves in each moment, we can cultivate happiness from within. We need to acknowledge who we are mentally, physically, and spiritually, building a life around the things that truly nourish us.

Surrender to pain and choose curiosity.

There comes a point where we are too tired to fight against pain anymore. We are tired of suffering. We reach a place of surrender and defeat, where we realize that engaging with our ego in the same way no longer serves us. We recognize the space between ourselves and the voice in our head, knowing that we are not our ego. It’s a moment of heightened awareness and paying attention. Embracing pain becomes an act of curiosity, a willingness to explore it without resistance. Surrender does not mean approval; it means acceptance.

Have curiosity about joy and connect with a higher power.

Just as we can be curious about pain, we can also be curious about joy. The key to happiness lies within us, and it’s about choosing radical joy even in the face of darkness. When our ego tries to make us suffer, we have the power to feel the feelings and choose happiness instead. It’s an intervention with ourselves, a conscious effort to build a life aligned with how we truly feel. Finding a connection with a higher power, however we define it, becomes crucial in nourishing ourselves and vibrating from a place of kindness.

Take agency and parent yourself.

We must take agency in our lives, living in love rather than fear. Staying present in our bodies and fully showing up for each moment becomes our purpose. Gratitude becomes a practice, even when life hurts. As humans, our ability to feel is what separates us from other forms of energy. Therefore, we must remind ourselves of the things we have to be grateful for, nurturing our own happiness. By doing so, we not only find solace in our own hearts but also create a ripple effect of kindness and positivity.

Pain is not something to be feared or avoided. It’s an opportunity for growth, transformation, and embracing the full spectrum of the human experience. By shifting our perspective and choosing curiosity, joy, and gratitude, we can learn to appreciate the dark moments and integrate them into our reality. We can become whole and embody happiness rather than suffer.

Please contact Rachel Gordon  if you have questions about Buddhist psychology and integrative, holistic techniques to address mental health issues and promote total body wellness. If you live in the Denver/ Castle Rock area and would like to learn more about what Rachel has to offer through Humble Warrior Therapy, please call (303) 688-6698 or click here to schedule.